Life is swirling around me, I cannot catch up.

School is stressful.
Time is cramped.
Relationships are slowly eroding.
I feel tired. I am tired.

I attributed less than joyful feelings to life and school. And I think that the American busy lifestyle is unhealthy, yet I think the core of the issue is my relationship with God. Sadly, it always takes me a while to realize this over and over until I run out of options, but for the first time God and I sat down and wasted time together and it was great. I think every time I have problems going on and a less than joyful mindset, I can almost if not 100% go straight to the source for the true problem. This being that my core is slightly (or massively) mis-centered.

Yet, how many times do I think to myself, "I would love to spend time with God, but I don't have the time right now." Oh, that makes sense! Continue having a miserable day, depending on myself, because I cannot see that my life depends and hinges on God.

Jars of Clay have a new CD out, Good Monster, and it's really good! They have one song that gradually builds as the lyrics profess a building of stress, badness and the bitterness of life and FINALLY ends with a profession of "OH MY GOD!" A cry out for help, a profession of need.

Why do I not have a natural function that calls for help right when I need it, or rather all the time because I know I will need it from the beginning?

Here's my random thought that really kills the serious mood, but what is it like to not be a teenager? To not have (I'm guessing this is how it works) a rollercoaster day everyday. To function in at least a somewhat normal way where it is more difficult to go from absolutely blissful to utterly depressed and back in a span of 5 minutes.

As much as I would like to say I am a grown up (at least let me pretend) it's crazy to have crazy emotions, however, to a certain degree I appreciate it because as I learn to feel greater tragedy the spring of feeling immense joy grows as well, which is during all of life, but comes and goes so quickly right now.

Why on earth would anyone want to go to Africa - a place of suffering and hurt? It doesn't make sense, but I REALLY would like to be. (ha does that count as an Africa connection making it appropriate for my Africa blog? ha)

Couple of things - I get to see my parents for one of very few times in the last 3-4 months! Secondly, if y'all could be in prayer about next summer and my decision of where to go. I think I will devote an entire blog to my thoughts, but I am currently leaning towards going to Russia. Also, Brad, Katelin and I are going to a Derek Webb concert tomorrow and it will rock our socks off and we shall put on sandals, I'm really excited. I also need to tell y'all about the adventures of being an RA sometime too.

Katonda Mulungi! All the time!

Question for you - has Christianity benefitted from government involvement?

I will remind you of the impact of Constantine as well as Christianity in our own culture.

I am assuming many if not most have read Brad's latest post about the "Pledging Alligence" class. So I'm not going to say anything more on it. Ha, right.

I think his description was right on and the questions posed were really interesting and I think I'll just get to the point of the semi-controversal one's and give my opinion to be shreaded as you please.

Should there be a flag in services? Eitherway seems to be ok, but something Randy suggested and something I would really like to see is the reaction from the congregation as the Church as a whole decides to lay the American flag at the foot of the cross instead of the other way around. I wonder how uncomfortable/angry this would make people and how many would feel more comfortable with laying the cross at the foot of the flag.

I agree with the idea that for memorial days and times of prayer for soldiers each side should be prayed for, that there may be peace and safety and well-being would be given to both parties. How can we be exclusive in only praying for our soldiers?

As far as war, I am a pacifist. However, the discussion made me realize (among other things) that those in the military are serving others. At least, the v irtue of service should be admired! However, I cannot in light of Jesus see any reason for "just war."

I wish I had the time right now to explain my thoughts, but I only have time to place an opinion out there.

As far as Christians participating in government, I was really against government at first, but I think it exists to serve the people and can be used for service. With that, I think it is absolutely good and important to be a part of government. However, this can be done most effectively (if at all) at the local level, in my opinion. If one was to be sitting on the senate and have the decision to make of war or no war, what would you consider. The well being of the state is hard to get away from as well as getting anything accomplished for those in need. That doesnt mean that one should not participate however. Looking at politics and systems of old as well as 0urs, I constantly and consistantly see power being abused and religion and God being used. This makes me incredibly upset. I cannot see myself voting for the "better" choice, just because they are slightly more moral. This makes me believe that I will not vote (thinking about the national level) because politians have proved to be not wonderful (ha, yeah thats how ill put it). If there ever comes one who will uphold their duty by actively trying to be a voice for the oppressed, the poor and the hurting I think I will use the power the nation state has given me. Power is always a tricky thing and I wonder if Jesus would have ever played by the rules of power (in worldly terms), on the terms of the state. God seems to always amaze us by the ways he works and I think our role in society is not to make bills pass to make abortion illegal, using the powers that be to voice our convictions, but to love the world even though it doesn't make sense, to be on the streets of hurt and pain, making a difference with our hands in the dirt giving our hearts to others daily by living out a Christ-like life, which will always speak louder than the power of this world.

I miss Africa. Love you guys. (and by you guys I mean y'all)

This is response to CWig's thoughts a couple of posts ago. I am not sure I understood what you were pondering on, however this is a couple of questions it made me think of.

Are we able and right to treat Christians differently (in this case harshly)? Where does the gentle rebuke turn into more of a friendly stab (that probably is not the best vocab to use)? As a Christian speaker, speaking to other Christians is it effective/ok to give a sermon/lecture/ect like that?

I think Paul would most definitely say that to a non-Christian, we must do all we can to "win them over" with the love of Christ including going into their context and getting into there shoes, so I don't think we should use judgement when talking to pre-Christians (thats a better term than non, smile). . . maybe that statement should be discussed too however.

So can we treat Christians differently than others? That sounds shady, so I'm hesitant, but I'm leaning towards yes.

Anyways, thanks for the comments (to all) and keeping my head on a swivel. Have a wonderful day. I'm still processing lectureship stuff so it may take me a while on that.

It is an astoundingly beautiful day. Does anyone see this?

We have lectureship this week. It's mind-boggling, I am sitting in on a 3-part serious about Nation and God with a panel of superhumans including Lynn Anderson, Randy Harris and Lee Camp (who wrote the book Mere Discipleship, which jostled some thoughts in Africa) to name a few.

The Round Rock crew is going to eat with Steve and Vera Jean tonight, be jealous.

And finally, a Ugandan could find his way to California, which is beyond my comprehension. More on this to come along with thoughts from lectureship.

I just woke up from my NAP about 20 minutes ago. That's about how tired I am, however, now I am watching Hotel Rwanda for our movie night down in our lobby. I am extremely interested in how the guys will respond to the movie and I hope is spurs conversation about Africa in general.

My hall that I am in charge of has decided to sponsor a child, probably through World Vision, and naturally I'm looking into a child from Uganda. I'm really excited about how they have been involved with the decision and maybe they will catch a vision and begin to sponsor many children.

Today in chapel was the first time since being in Africa that I heard an African speaker. It was SO interesting with new perspective. The Nigerian accent alone made me smile, but his mannerisms and point-of-view was treasured.

Being a foreigner he took the approach of saying harsh words that needed to be said. He addressed specific sins and did not beat around the bush at all, which I appreciated. He seemed extremely confident as he spoke the word of God. Many people in the crowd did not have any perspective of where he was coming from though, and some things he said were not taken well. He was talking about sexual immorality and took it to the point that kissing was sin. The truely ACU crowd was horrified at this comment and a rush of commotion began to be heard in the crowd. He stepped on their toes and they disagreed, which is fine, but many wrote him off and stopped listening. A clash of culture who did not understand where a man was coming from, where males and females do not touch and where touching alcohol is out of the question.

We heard about intense spiritualism as he told personal stories about a fatal car wreck in where all places of the car were devestated expect where the good spirit (of Jesus) was in the trunk. Long story, but it was misunderstood by our culture as people cocked their heads.

It was interesting to hear perspective from my friends and to be in the shoes of those I spoke to in Africa, at least in the aspect that another was the traveler/speaker and I was the hearer.

Respecting cultures is so important and difficult because it is so difficult to understand something that you have never been a part of.

I think I want to end by asking you to consider something.

Go to Africa.

I am finished with malaria pills. Who would have thought after taking 80 pills for 80 days I would miss them.

I still have a bit of dirt on my shoes.

I am still unpacking what we saw in Rwanda. Genocide seems like the absolule worst thing a group of people could do to another. For many weeks, however, this has created a giganitic question to the front of my mind. I do not have an answer, which is fine, so I encourage others to think about it without being afraid of it.

One of my favorite quotes is the "truth has no fear of examination."

Why did God use war and genocide (in the Old Testament)? The loving most wonderful and worthy God I know does not seem to coincide with this idea. However, He helped the Israelites destroy people groups with command after command to not leave a single person alive, to utterly wipe out a group of people.

I really want to rationalize this.

However, when it comes down to it maybe it's not for me to rationalize, but I will give you some things I have thought about.

The first is that God is completely just. His justice allows Him to judge those who have sinned and therefore destroying an evil people. Not satisfied I continue in thought.

It seems that over time God has changed how He treats humans. At one point in time, God wipes the entire human race out minus Noah to begin again. Right after this, He decides that He will never do that again, even though God knows we will be evil yet again because we are fallen. (Thanks to Ben for shaking some of this thought up in my head, smile) God uses methods of giving Judges, Kings and Prophets and it seems that humans continue to miss the point. All this to say God changes his dealing with people.

To add to this when God says something, it will be done. Creation. Boom. So when God declares to the Abraham that He will have 1) many descendants, 2) land for them and through Abraham 3) the world will be blessed, leading us to assume by Christ coming into the world . . . these things will happen. So perhaps because of these promises everything is secondary. Is that right or just? I don't know. But here's one thing I know is not just, a new promise we have been given.

I know that I am a sinner and by justice and the way things work I should be put to death. I cannot exist in God's presence because I represent sin. This places me in a place of utter dependence. I must depend that God's word is legit. To trust that when Jesus makes claims about a new type of living and a new covenant with people is being made that it will hold up. If justice takes place in this instance, I am doomed. I must hope that grace, the new covenant we can choose to submit to, will trump reason and that God will keep His promise.

So where does that leave the mess of God using war and genocide, I don't know. There are some possible rational reasons, but many times are faith comes down to an irrational faith that God knows what He is doing. He will choose to be good and His promises will never fail.

Today through conversation, I found that I have probably not communicated some struggles of thought very well. I think on many if not most issues there is a balance that exists that is the "answer" and as a minister I want to lean one direction and communicate and fight for the side that is slightly imbalanced, yet not to heavily or the pendulum will simply tilt too far the other way.

I do not take back any statements I have made so far, but I think it is important to look at the other side. Taking a look at government, I have been leaning against the culture of America because I believe that idolizing country is our society's problem right now. However, we can see in the Bible that we must lean the other way and show proper respect as the New Testament clearly tells us to respect those in authority and listen to them.

I do, however, believe that our country is leaning too much one direction and as in every case I simply want Jesus in the center of everything, and I believe that it is most effective to lean the direction I have been at this point in our culture.

Thanks for struggling with me.

Did anyone notice that #1 and #2 compete in an epic battle of clashing celestial bodies to crown those worthy of an undeafeated season in the zenith of the college football season this saturday?

No, football isn't an idol of mine.





And also, yes Spence this implies that OU is not relavent to UT's season. Smile.