SLOW DOWN!

Sit with God for a minute or two.







I'm watching the movie Crash with a group of guys that I love. My new mission field. However, in this field, people are dealing more with loneliness, self-esteem, lust and a million other American culture things. Not to say they are not world wide, because they are, but just different. I'm rambling.

We had an opening ceremony chapel the other day for ACU's 101st year. For the first time in my life I had a pit in my stomach the entire time as I watched flags, nationalism and an idol be presented in front of us. We sang a song proclaiming it is our job to spread freedom, our God given duty. The ceremony ended with a MASSIVE US flag falling into glory as we said the pledge of allegiance and the national anthem.

It was the first time I did not say/sing both of those things. The things about nationalism I was made aware of in Africa were tested. I felt really wrong, I did not know if me not saying the pledge was right or wrong or neither. I suppose I still do not completely know, but I felt 19 years of American conditioning tugging at me as I naturally placed my hand over my heart.

What is the balance of patriotism to one's country?

Once again I feel as if I havent said anything, so I apologize, but this movie is entralling as I sit in a lobby that consists of half white and half minorities. It's so exciting because we are looking at real life and the problem of racial tensions together.

One last thing, I once again discovered.

Relationships are all that matter.

It was an amazing day! CJ left for Oxford this morning, ha, that's not why it was great however. It's fun to grow up with a person, I really love that guy. I'm excited that he will have a foreign experience that will broaden my perspective even further.

What I wanted to talk about today was my shiftiness as a person. Fun subject I know. In Africa, I finally became ok with being an introvert and the quiet one. I feel like that's who I am and that I am able to serve God in being that type of person. Yet, upon arriving on the ACU scene 16 hours after getting home I realized that I was in a whole new ball game. Is it fake of me to be an extrovert, because that is what I have been since being here. Between being an RA and hopefully making people feel welcome on the hall and working with Brad with a freshman welcome week group it has not been an option to be the quiet one.

We took a strength test as Mentor Group Leaders and my top one was a learner. Great strength, I know (smile) but all strengths have their negative side too and I think part of that would include sometimes being timid and not stepping up when the time to teach and lead comes. So I understand there is a time for both.

I also understand that we live in a different society than Africa, where many of the outcasts, unloved, suffering, lonely and "losers" are not great socializers, generally quiet people. So where does this put me because it is work for me to be an extravert type? Exactly, knocking at God's door asking for help. It's amazing the job he does, this week I have felt like I am a better extrovert than introvert due to the fact that (and this sounds Bible schoolish but) God is loving and existing through me.

So I suppose the feeling of fake was partly true, but I hope my intentions and heart were right as I seek to imitate Christ and what I think he would be doing, even though I am inept in this category.


One other thought that is quite undeveloped. I am in a good place right now, at least that's how I feel. Is it right to expect and know that a valley will come? How should you feel to know that it will change? I have decided to be overwhelmingly joyfull and if that causes the fall to be harder, pain to feel deeper and the hard times to be more difficult than I guess that's going to happen. Mike Cope described joy and pain like a spring the more you experience one the more fully you can experience the other. I'll have to keep thinking about this one though.

Pray for CJ in ENGLAND!

I just drank African tea in my dorm.

I miss the real deal.

Smile. I was pretty excited about y'alls comments because I have found this true love of talking or typing I suppose. So therefore, here I go.

I'm sitting in my airconditioned dorm room listening to Sufjan Stevens (if you havent heard him, do so) and reflecting on thoughts of Africa. I wrote a few keywords down in my journal upon arriving home within the first 24 hours. I would like to revisit a couple of those thoughts and feelings now if I can backtrack into that whole different gear of life.

Ha, ok first of all Heathrow was naturally crazy. That was an adventure all in itself. We were at a hotel and nice one at that, at about 8 pm the night before we leave for home and see on CNN that there has been crazy terrorist happenings and go on to cock our heads with purtruding lips (hope you can get a visual). Being an optimist I naturally thought well this will be the safest time to be at an airport ever. Long story short (yes I'm truely back in America using that phrase) after a couple restless hours sleeping on a terminal floor we made it back home safely. God is good.

When we fell into the arms of our families I recognized a very clear change. Brown, Red and Blue. Holt had changed from glasses to contacts and I could see straight into his brown eyes, that was cool. Next my eyes were red from exhaustion and all that jazz. The final kicker was Heather who had some how aquired blue eyes during my stay in Africa. So much had changed and happened in those two months. It's been incredibly interesting catching up, hearing the high points, passionate points and exciting points, but also the nothing happened points.

Another REALLY WEIRD aspect was falling asleep many various times before making back to Round Rock. Once I woke up and our plane apparently had taken off, landed and arrived at Houston without getting the OK from me. Another time was dozing in the car ride back home (while I was telling a story also). Many times where I would wake up and have NO CLUE where in the world I was. It's a crazy feeling, I would even add scary.

I also came up with a God, planes and automobiles theory. People love driving their cars even though it is statistcally more dangerous to travel in that fashion. This is because they are in control (ok maybe its cheaper too) but having your eyes doing the deciding and your hands controling the steering is so vital. In a plane people freak out and are ten million times more scared because they have lost control. Naturally, you can see the connection between God wanting to be our pilot and him asking us to give up control because he knows what he's doing even though we can't see what's going on. He knows there will be turbulance here and there, but it's going to be alright.

Last thing for this post . . . when I was in the shower that night I had trouble. I really really really did not want to wash my feet off. I did not want Africa to go away. I wanted it to be with me always, even if it was in the small crevisi (yeah new word) of my feet. So to your question, yes Africa and the people and God through this experience has changed my life forever. I also have yet to clean my shoes and love to take every opprotunity to say "man look at all this Africa on my shoes."

I think time is more precious than money in America, but if it is at all possible go to Africa. Go to South America. Go to a third world country. God will flip you upside down and teach you. Hopefully, it doesn't take going to a different place to learn from God, but I tell you what it is the excellerated track to finding out how much we need God and ways of living that seem so topsiturvie yet obviously perfect.

I apologize for not writing that last entry while in Africa. I felt overwhelmed with trying to put into words the experience of the orphanage, Genocide, Rwanda and Safari trip mixed with dealing with leaving.

I have had so many thoughts during that time that I hope I will eventually be able to share in some organized manner. I'm not sure if anyone is still reading, but I just wanted to post something real quick today.

It has been crazy getting shifted into high gear coming back to ACU to be an RA. Life is going a million miles per hour and the American lifestyle has taken over and it wasn't until yesterday that I realized the whirlwind I had been thrown into. Unfortunately, there has not been much time to talk about Africa with people either, so I am hoping in the near future I can have some process time by talking to some folks about the experience.

I don't know if I will continue to use this blog for Africa thoughts or not. However, I am thinking about broadening my understanding of people, culture, life and God in another area (possible Russia) next summer so if you could throw up a prayer for guidance and direction in that area it would be much appreciated.

Thank you all for reading, its been so encouraging to hear everyone has been keeping up with our blogs!