Life is swirling around me, I cannot catch up.
School is stressful.
Time is cramped.
Relationships are slowly eroding.
I feel tired. I am tired.
I attributed less than joyful feelings to life and school. And I think that the American busy lifestyle is unhealthy, yet I think the core of the issue is my relationship with God. Sadly, it always takes me a while to realize this over and over until I run out of options, but for the first time God and I sat down and wasted time together and it was great. I think every time I have problems going on and a less than joyful mindset, I can almost if not 100% go straight to the source for the true problem. This being that my core is slightly (or massively) mis-centered.
Yet, how many times do I think to myself, "I would love to spend time with God, but I don't have the time right now." Oh, that makes sense! Continue having a miserable day, depending on myself, because I cannot see that my life depends and hinges on God.
Jars of Clay have a new CD out, Good Monster, and it's really good! They have one song that gradually builds as the lyrics profess a building of stress, badness and the bitterness of life and FINALLY ends with a profession of "OH MY GOD!" A cry out for help, a profession of need.
Why do I not have a natural function that calls for help right when I need it, or rather all the time because I know I will need it from the beginning?
Here's my random thought that really kills the serious mood, but what is it like to not be a teenager? To not have (I'm guessing this is how it works) a rollercoaster day everyday. To function in at least a somewhat normal way where it is more difficult to go from absolutely blissful to utterly depressed and back in a span of 5 minutes.
As much as I would like to say I am a grown up (at least let me pretend) it's crazy to have crazy emotions, however, to a certain degree I appreciate it because as I learn to feel greater tragedy the spring of feeling immense joy grows as well, which is during all of life, but comes and goes so quickly right now.
Why on earth would anyone want to go to Africa - a place of suffering and hurt? It doesn't make sense, but I REALLY would like to be. (ha does that count as an Africa connection making it appropriate for my Africa blog? ha)
Couple of things - I get to see my parents for one of very few times in the last 3-4 months! Secondly, if y'all could be in prayer about next summer and my decision of where to go. I think I will devote an entire blog to my thoughts, but I am currently leaning towards going to Russia. Also, Brad, Katelin and I are going to a Derek Webb concert tomorrow and it will rock our socks off and we shall put on sandals, I'm really excited. I also need to tell y'all about the adventures of being an RA sometime too.
Katonda Mulungi! All the time!
School is stressful.
Time is cramped.
Relationships are slowly eroding.
I feel tired. I am tired.
I attributed less than joyful feelings to life and school. And I think that the American busy lifestyle is unhealthy, yet I think the core of the issue is my relationship with God. Sadly, it always takes me a while to realize this over and over until I run out of options, but for the first time God and I sat down and wasted time together and it was great. I think every time I have problems going on and a less than joyful mindset, I can almost if not 100% go straight to the source for the true problem. This being that my core is slightly (or massively) mis-centered.
Yet, how many times do I think to myself, "I would love to spend time with God, but I don't have the time right now." Oh, that makes sense! Continue having a miserable day, depending on myself, because I cannot see that my life depends and hinges on God.
Jars of Clay have a new CD out, Good Monster, and it's really good! They have one song that gradually builds as the lyrics profess a building of stress, badness and the bitterness of life and FINALLY ends with a profession of "OH MY GOD!" A cry out for help, a profession of need.
Why do I not have a natural function that calls for help right when I need it, or rather all the time because I know I will need it from the beginning?
Here's my random thought that really kills the serious mood, but what is it like to not be a teenager? To not have (I'm guessing this is how it works) a rollercoaster day everyday. To function in at least a somewhat normal way where it is more difficult to go from absolutely blissful to utterly depressed and back in a span of 5 minutes.
As much as I would like to say I am a grown up (at least let me pretend) it's crazy to have crazy emotions, however, to a certain degree I appreciate it because as I learn to feel greater tragedy the spring of feeling immense joy grows as well, which is during all of life, but comes and goes so quickly right now.
Why on earth would anyone want to go to Africa - a place of suffering and hurt? It doesn't make sense, but I REALLY would like to be. (ha does that count as an Africa connection making it appropriate for my Africa blog? ha)
Couple of things - I get to see my parents for one of very few times in the last 3-4 months! Secondly, if y'all could be in prayer about next summer and my decision of where to go. I think I will devote an entire blog to my thoughts, but I am currently leaning towards going to Russia. Also, Brad, Katelin and I are going to a Derek Webb concert tomorrow and it will rock our socks off and we shall put on sandals, I'm really excited. I also need to tell y'all about the adventures of being an RA sometime too.
Katonda Mulungi! All the time!
posted by Heath at 7:35 PM
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