Blogging Lately

I guess the title assumes that I have actually been blogging regularly, which is not really the case. But recently I have felt like I have been writing solely to myself, in a secluded place on a all-but-secluded internet. I have actually really enjoyed it. Perhaps there is still someone reading out there and that would be ok too, it must be with this type of medium. It's just so nice to write without expectations, to write without filters, to write without worrying about judgment.

On one hand I have always wanted to be "all things to all people" probably because of my people pleasing nature. On the other hand, I know I have an identity that is counter cultural in a lot of ways and probably demands that I stand up for those values and beliefs. It's so much more difficult in a post-modern world, which means it's most likely all the more important to keep an identity.

The idea is certainly alive in Portland where you can be whatever you want to be and let me do the same type of thing. In many ways I like it because it lumps us all into one boat, just weird people with out quirks. Yet, the Christian identity pulls me away to be all things, to be accepting and open, but at the same time be an alien in the world.

And what good news I have about the risen Lord of the world. Yet, I'm not suppose to impose my ideas and my truth on others, but keep it to myself. The way I try to get around all this is to simply live like Jesus and let that be my testimony of values. I wonder if that is enough though, is my life a loud enough proclamation. Obviously it is not simple to live like Jesus all the time and perhaps other times I try and hide my light under a bowl.

I think I, like many, am just tired to words and respect constant courageous actions. However, words can be rousing and a story can connect us in powerful ways.

At the end of the day, I have just enjoyed wrestling with so many ideas ... trying to find the balance and wondering if balance is always the best thing. I always enjoy wrestling in thought with others, but it is also nice to be able to have a little corner to myself.

Latest Adventure

"Latest Adventure" implies more to come and boy to a look forward to that.

This past weekend I had Mr. CJ Pierson and Mr. Kevin Palm here in Portland (and really all of Oregon) with me!

Simply put, it was a grand adventure including climbing famous landmarks from childhood games (Beacon Rock), trekking through the wilderness, RIDING A WATERFALL, encountering the majestic bald eagle, viewing the limitless horizon of the Pacific, showing under waterfalls, soaking in hot springs and rocking out every time we were on the road.

As good as it all was, it would have been meaningless without our wonderful relationships. Mind you, one can experience God's beautiful world with God alone (a relationship no doubt!). It was so great to adventure with my brothers!

Hair

Why are we so obsessed with our hair?

It can be a stepping stone to become older when you learn to shave.

It can show that you are well minded enough to groom yourself and take care of yourself.

It may determine what socioeconomic class you are in.

Sometimes it defines our self-esteem.

It keeps us warm? ... nah.

It describes our mood.

Or our personality ... and Portland has some personality!

So many things, status symbols, privilege ... ways to differ ourselves from others, to make us individuals (at least in our culture).

As much as I like to tease someone about being bald, I'm actually pretty excited about it so I don't have to worry about such things. Granted I could just buzz my head all the time, but I just can't quite do it yet.

Tonight I'm kinda missing my beard.

Graduate School

I have really enjoyed grad school thus far. Yet, the longing to be out doing good lingers.

Then of course, I must constantly ask myself, what is good? How can we know that our actions are going to lead to good, they may have a terrible effect. Pondering what will happen seems interesting, but ultimately simply an acknowledgment that we are not the controllers of all things and that there are always possible consequences to the best of actions.

The way I rest my head at night is by believing a couple of ideas. One that I personally do not have the power to change the entire system to being perfect. This allows me to approach every situation and more importantly every person as the most important "system" and hope to have a "good" impact on an individual. I also rest my hat on trying to be aware of my motivations and intentions and hope that they are moved mostly by good intentions regardless of the outcome.

For example, upon deciding to mentor four high-schoolers this year I wondered if my 15 meetings with them would yield positive/good results. The possible consequence being that these (possibly at-risk kids) would yet again have a figure (and male figure at that) come into their lives and then leave after a certain amount of time. I eventually decided that while not perfect the time frame was sufficient to create a meaningful relationship and explain how to model this relationship with others and look for other mentors that will help them grow along their journey. So, now at the end I'm left wondering what the total effect will be and hope that good intentions are enough to allow a healing and good relationship that occurs for a time to outnumber the possible negative consequences.

Hmm. Well I guess there it is for today ... I was definitely planning on writing about grad school.

Spring Break

It's spring break and spring just doesn't seem to quite be here. It's still a little chilly here in the Northwest, and I'm missing my spring break wing-man and our yearly trip. We are hoping to make it happen later this year, but I just had to pause and appreciate, miss and remember some of our great trips of the past.

Friends Friends

We have friends coming tonight, I'm so pumped!

All friends you are welcome to come and explore Oregon with us, so send 'em!

A wonderful gift I received for my birthday is a gigantic canvas map of the world. I find myself simply staring at it for large quantities of time. I put magnetic board behind the canvas so that we can put up where we want to go, and where others are and little trinkets up there as well (a stolen idea wish I could claim it was original).

I was curious if anyone else is transfixed by the world, just the representation of the world. The history, the chaos, the size, the beauty. So many unique cultures and people each with their own story. I would love to hear all the stories, obviously all would not be captivating in a Hollywood movie sense, but they would all certainly be captivating in their own unique ways!

Ha Ha

So naturally, I totally forgot about the blog world and that I wanted to write each day. More than that ... I actually read blogs every day, but somehow forgot to write my own. Sad, sad, sad.

Well tonight me and my wonderful wife Katie ... had a dancing lesson.

We are not good at dancing, frankly do not know how, and we are not necessarily the most coordinated. Yet, we thought it would be fun to try something new together (and we got a great deal a while back). It was a bunch of fun, I'm convinced anyone can dance with a good teacher and practice ... but it will be a while before I will be able to call myself a dancer. We then headed over to Pudding and Rice and got some! Such a weird, but good combination.

The end of my first semester of grad school is approaching. Pretty weird. I just don't feel like I am this old, sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and wonder who that person is. Not in a crisis sort of way who am I, what are my values ... but in a, physical like there's a full size adult with a boy inside. I wonder how long that will last.

Today was valuable.